Most people have forgotten or completely given up on the goals they set for themselves on January 1st.
I have been parking in an overflowed lot at my gym for the past 5 weeks, and this week, I've gotten nearly front row parking spots every time I've gone.
Yes, I’ll be honest. I am happy to not have to wait around for a swim lane.
But more parking at the gym says a lot and it makes me sad that so many people have lost sight of their goals for 2020 already.
It’s not even the end of February!
Unfortunately, this is a habit problem, not a lack of desire to 'make your goal a reality' problem. I see this often and decided that now is the perfect time to address this, because truth is it's not too late to recommit to what you want.
READ THAT AGAIN: IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO START AGAIN!
I received an email earlier this year from a client asking me how I stay motivated day after day.
There are a thousand ways I can answer this!
But they all have to do with little habits that I have adopted over the years (did you hear that...YEARS).
None of what I do now happened in 30 days.
The healthy life I have in place now is a result of little baby steps that became part of my normal routine coupled with the missteps that helped me learn what to do and when!
No one reaches their long term goals without messing up here and there.
Along the way I’ve tried many things. Some worked and have stuck around while the so-called “failures” were learning experiences that ultimately led to growth.
Which means, for every failed attempt, I'm actually got one step closer to finding what works best for me. And let's be very clear... I'm not finished.
There is still SOOOOO much work to be done! This is a journey that will last a lifetime and that’s part of what keeps it exciting.
My New Normal
To prove to you that I haven’t always had it all-together, here are a few examples of habits that I definitely did not have 5 years ago that I have now:
Again, I didn’t just wake up one day and implement all these. There was no extreme overhaul but instead a long term commitment to making the changes I wanted in my life.
The Magic Sauce
Above are just a few examples of habits that have become part of my everyday life. And it’s possible you’re thinking “I don’t even know where to begin!”.
I get that. Which is why, when I look at my success with habit change, along with the clients I’ve had the pleasure of working with over the years, it all comes down to one variable: the belief in who we are or the belief that we are already the person we want to become.
A little back story to explain...
Growing up, I was a competitive athlete and my body composition has always been maintained from exercise. My diet was 80/20 but just slightly different than my current 80/20 approach: 80% fast food and candy, and 20% home cooked meals that were mostly carbohydrate (so by “slightly different” I mean drastically different…).
At the time, we didn't know any better! Since I was fit, I could eat anything I wanted (or so we thought!).
Unfortunately, what we didn't realize was that the habit of driving through a fast food joint and eating in the car from packages was a habit that became deeply rooted into who I was.
I was the girl who was too busy to prep and eat good food at a dinner table in a relaxed environment. I was the girl who was "healthy" even though I was eating crap. I was the girl who didn't know how to cook, even if I wanted to because I never did it growing up.
Fast forward to the day when I became an adult and all of a sudden had 1,000 responsibilities and 'had no time' to cook, workout or even sleep enough (I say 'had no time' in quotes because I see now that wasn't true. I didn't MAKE time for it.).
What I believed to be true about my younger self (basically, 'I got this...I'll be fine'), was slowly becoming an 'OMG- this isn't working anymore.'
I was gaining weight.
I was sleeping terribly.
I was fatigued all the time.
And I basically felt like crap.
So what did I do? I leaned on the one thing that I knew would help: exercise.
To keep myself accountable to it, I signed up for something that SCARED THE $HIT OUT OF ME...my first triathlon!
I was so scared about it, that there was no way I was going to miss training for it or else I knew I wouldn't be prepared to finish it. Unfortunately, despite my best intentions, this didn't work.
I found myself getting more tired.
My sleep felt like it was getting worse.
And I wasn't enjoying the movement routine as much as I used to.
Nutrition Education to the Rescue!
Long story short, I realized (with the help of a local nutritionist) that my diet and lifestyle needed a major overhaul. At first, the accountability of meeting with her monthly kept me on track. But it became very obvious to me that meeting with her FOREVER was not an option.
So I had to figure out a way to stay motivated without her.
For me, this involved 2 things:
But the reality was...I WASN'T that girl because I wasn’t willing to do what I had to do to become that girl. I just WISHED! And it wasn’t until I made the mental shift away from what I wished I was, and FULLY, 100%, no-holds-back, believed with all of my heart that I AM the girl who IS all of those things did they actually happen...permanently!
The Rest is History!
It's really easy to shop healthy.
To cook healthy.
To eat healthy at home AND when I'm out with friends.
Because THAT IS WHO I AM.
That is the person I chose to become and once I made a commitment to that choice, there was no looking back!
Who we are and how we are is a choice! No matter what habits or mindsets you currently reside in, they are a choice.
I know people with less time than you, less money than you, less overall resources that you that decided they wanted more and went after it.
So when it comes to staying dedicated to making changes, it’s all about how you see yourself right now.
And until you start believing that you too are the healthy, vibrant, full of energy person you desire to be, you'll have a hell of a time getting there.
My Tips for You
Don’t worry. I wasn’t planning on telling you a story without giving you some action steps you can take to recommit to your goals!
Here are some of my favorite tips to help you fully embrace that person you want to be, because let’s face it, REALLY, TRULY believing you ARE that person doesn’t just happen overnight or by going through the motions but hating it every step of the way.
CREATE AN ALTER EGO
This might sound crazy to you, but it ACTUALLY WORKS.
I was first introduced to this concept from the book 'The Brave Athlete- Calm the F*ck Down and Rise to the Occasion' by Simon Marshall and Lesley Paterson.
This is a book written specifically for triathletes, but can certainly be applied to all endurance athletes, and I HIGHLY recommend it!
The basic concept for creating an alter ego is this: fake it until you make it.
If you can't be the person who loves to cook. Who loves to eat healthy. Who loves to exercise. FAKE IT!
As Simon says in the book, "It turns out that following advice to 'just be yourself' is often the worst thing you can do."
He goes on to say that pretending to be an alternative identity can favorably alter your biochemistry and improve your performance, or in this case, your life!
Even Queen Be did this! The queen of confidence was once not confident in her abilities so she used to perform as "Sasha Fierce" until she felt like she could embody the performer she wanted to be.
So...you do the same, but for the areas of your life that you want to have healthier habits around.
I know this is exciting but don’t OVER do it!
Typically when we get some motivation our tendency is to go from 0 to 100. Please do not do this! This is another reason so many resolutions fail!
Instead, I'd advise that you start with ONE area, for example, the kitchen, that you want to change for the better.
Want to love cooking? Think of all the attributes of a person who LOVES to cook. You can make these up, or you can think about someone you know who already loves to cook.
First person that comes to my mind? Emeril Lagasse...BAM! Talk about someone who LOVVVVES to be in the kitchen!
Go ahead and dive into who that person is and then apply these attributes to your alter ego.
Once you have this list and a very clear picture in your mind of your alter ego, it’s time to step into their shoes! There’s no sense in fantasizing if you’re not going to take action.
Start pretending to be them when you’re in the kitchen. Wear the same clothes. Say the same things. Act the same way. BE THEM. Every single time.
This strategy might seem silly at first and it may have to be used for years, but eventually, your own identity in the kitchen will start to develop into someone who actually DOES love to cook.
Who actually DOES loves to eat healthy.
Someone who actually IS just like Emeril (or whoever your alter ego mimics). Trust me…this works.
Remember those old rubber friendship bracelets that people us to wear in the late 80’s with the acronym WWJD (“What Would Jesus Do”)?
These were intended to be worn as a reminder to make moral decisions.
Well, you can do the same thing around specific areas of your life. Pick someone that you admire, look up to, or are inspired by. Then ask yourself, “what would [insert name] do?"
For me, I think about people like Christine Crup (from Castaway Kitchen) for meal prep, Emily Schromm for a balanced movement routine, and Daniela Ryf (a professional triathlete from Switzerland) for workout motivation and gratitude.
When I’m getting ready to plan my weekly menu, I think “what would Christine prep?” Sometimes she’s busy and she needs to stick with healthy staples to get her through, and sometimes she is ready to experiment with new recipes for some upcoming cookbook she’s developing.
When I’m planning out my workouts for the week, I think “what would Em do?” Usually, she is up early and getting her workout done because she has a REALLY busy day.
So I often get my @ss to the gym early so I can’t talk myself out of it.
And when I’m exhausted and feel like my body might need some rest, I think “what would Em do if she felt like this?” Ya, she would rest! So I do the same.
When I’m losing motivation and questioning myself as a triathlete, I think “what would Daniela do?”
She would reach out to her coach and support crew for motivation and support. She would give tons of love and encouragement to other athletes, knowing that what you give comes back to you.
She is one of the most humble athletes I know and not only do I try to think like she thinks, but there are parts of her in my athlete alter ego too.
And in case you’re worried, it is totally okay to tap into other people’s way of life as motivation and inspiration.
Your idols have their own idols that they look up to. Don’t be too stubborn to realize that there are people slightly ahead of you and instead take advantage of their teachings to help you reach your goals faster!
KNOW YOUR TENDENCY
Do you know the book “The Four Tendencies” by Gretchen Ruben? If not, you should.
According to Gretchen, people fall mostly into one of four different behavioral tendencies. These tendencies explain how we respond to different expectations in our lives, like eating healthier or meeting a deadline. Understanding your tendency allows you to set and tackle goals based on who you are.
Here is a quick summary of the four tendencies:
Who they are:
Tips on Creating Better Habits:
The best thing an obliger can do to ensure they reach their goals is have someone to hold them accountable.
For example, if your goal is to exercise more, hire a trainer or find a workout buddy!
An obliger does best when they know there is a deadline and someone else is expecting something of them. It is also important to build in so-called treats for an obliger to re-energize and avoid burnout (PS - treats do not mean food! You can read more here to get a better understanding).
Who they are:
Tips on Creating Better Habits - Upholders:
It’s important for upholders to utilize to-do lists and calendars! According to Gretchen, “whatever appears on the calendar, gets done”.
However, the best thing an upholder can do to ensure they reach their goals is really understanding WHY they are doing so. Since their expectations of themselves are just as important as the expectations of others, there needs to be an inner connection to their actions.
For example, if you want to eat healthier, you have to educate yourself fully on why eating healthier is important. In other words, you need to be crystal clear on your ‘why.’
You have to fully ‘buy-in’ to whatever ‘diet’ you are going to follow, or else you won’t follow it.
It is wise for upholders with a goal like this also have a “back up plan” like a healthy meal prep service for example. Upholders have a hard time delegating and can become overwhelmed easily with all the things they have to do. Forcing yourself to delegate tasks out from time to time can help you stay successful with your goals of being healthier.
If you haven’t caught on yet...I am an upholder! And this is exactly why going to school for nutrition helped me fully buy into the lifestyle I have now, and why so many of my little successful habits have to do with scheduling them on a calendar!
Who they are:
Tips on Creating Better Habits - Questioners
Because questioners have to know what they are doing and why, CLARITY around goals is top priority!
Go ahead, ask your questions and seek out all of the answers. Do your research, because if you don’t you will never be fully convinced! Questioners may do well wearing tracking devices (i.e., FitBit) or even keep food journals as a means of self-monitoring.
But questioners do need to be careful! As it can be easy getting stuck in a rabbit hole of information, questioners risk getting stuck in the learning phase and never taking action. If this is you, it’s imperative you set deadlines for your research and education period so that you can go out and actually do the thing and make the changes!
Who they are:
Tips on Creating Better Habits - Rebels
The best thing a rebel can do to ensure they reach their goals is employ the Strategy of Identity. According to Gretchen, “because Rebels place great value on being true to themselves, they can embrace a habit if they view it as a way to express their identity.”
Freedom, self-expression, and authenticity are important to rebels. They tend to dislike schedules, repetitive tasks, and supervision.
So, if you are a rebel and you want to stick to your grocery shopping list, you need to remind yourself that YOU made your list. And these are things that YOU want. YOU are choosing to follow your list and be healthier.
If you want to stick to a workout routine, mix it up! Find a few different workout types that you enjoy and allow yourself to do them when you most want to do them. So you don’t skip a workout, have everything you need packed in the trunk of your car, so if you get the urge to workout, you have everything you need in that moment to make it happen.
If you’re curious about what your tendency is, you can take the free quick HERE.
Now go on and be your best self!
Ok, so there you have it. My three tips that you can start using now to recommit to (or restart) the goal(s) you set for yourself in January! My hope is that you can use one (or more) of the strategies I listed here to help you try something different so you stick to your goal longer (hopefully permanently) this time around.
Remember, don’t overwhelm yourself by doing all of them all at once!
Bookmark this page and come back to it every few weeks and see how you implement one more piece of this to your 2020 goals and habit building.
Do you have a tool you have used to help you develop a long term healthy habit that I haven’t mentioned here? Tell me about it by leaving me a message in the comments below!
Tiana Rockwell is a certified nutritional therapist, avid endurance athlete and dark chocolate lover. She believes that by eating REAL food, we can balance our body and reach optimal health and wellness!